Lately, the whole idea of motherhood has been hitting me like a ton of bricks. I?know this is almost surely because Greyson’s first birthday is one month from today. But, even so, I’ve been reflecting so much on motherhood: how much I’ve learned, how little I knew about motherhood, how much I’ve grown?into a mother in the last 21 months from the beginning of my pregnancy.
With technology literally at our finger tips at all times, I think we all take a lot of pictures. I’m sure I take an obsessive amount, being a photographer as well, but the other day I realized that I am always taking snapshots of Greyson, but rarely do I get out my camera to take portraits of him. My friend Valerie did an amazing project where she took a photo of her son every Friday for the first year of his life. She now has 52 weeks of portraits of her little guy and my heart broke a little bit when I saw how sweet her photos are. I wish I had documented Grey’s first year like that.?
Then, that same day after watching Val’s story about that, I went into Greyson’s room after his afternoon nap. We’ve been playing this game after his naps where he sits in his crib and I sit on the floor on the other side. Sometimes we play, sometimes I just watch him explore his little crib and play with his blanket. It hit me at that moment that?those precious, candid moments are the ones I want to remember forever.
I want to remember the lines on his face from a deep sleep or the little snot that dried up under his nose because he cried when he had to stop playing and take a nap. I want to remember the way his little feet squish into the mattress. The way the knuckles of his hands look as he grips the top of the crib. The way his little “feathers” stand up on his head. His two bottom teeth that have been steadily growing, completing his new little toddler look as he grows out of looking like a little baby. The way his bright blue eyes look at me, like I’m his entire world. The way it feels when he’s upset and I know he needs comfort from me specifically, no one else.
I want to remember the expression he has when he sees something for the very first time. Or the fifth time when he is still amazed by a trick. I want to bottle up his curiosity, his laugh, even his cry. These precious moments are so fleeting and I don’t want to miss a single one of them.
The snapshots on my phone are an amazing way to document our every day, but I’ve found that getting my camera out makes me slow down, like so many of the things I do with Greyson make me do. I have to focus in on the exact details I want to capture, I have to focus on the shadows and the lighting of his sweet little face.?
So while I may not have 52 weeks of photos like these ones, I will be thankful for these ones I have. The ones captured in our normal, every day life. The ones that capture my sweet little baby, who’s growing into a sweet little boy.?
Sweet Greyson Michael, being your mama is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. I never could have imagined loving you this deeply. You?bring me joy every single day.